Scared

I talked to her for 4 hours last night and I would say that I fell in love with her all over again but that wouldn’t really be true.  You see, I never stopped loving her.  We knew each other almost 20 years ago.  She was a mess and I was just a drunk horny kid.  God we were great together.  In every way.  The sex, the fun, the laughs.  I was just interested in being fucked up and getting laid.  She needed more so she married a guy with some money and went on.  In one of the few decent moves of my life back then I didn’t try to stop her.  I could have.  She loved me too, but I knew she needed more than I could give her and her little girl.  The funny thing about this is that I REMEMBER her.  Seems odd, I know, but hear me out.  I dated a lot of girls in those days.  A lot of them had kids, blah, blah, blah.  Some of them I even liked and was engaged to.  I remember none of them.  Just a few faces, names, like flashbulbs of time.  With Rebecca, I remember everything.  Details.  Her looking at me and knowing how much she loved me.  Reading to her little girl and being happy to see even her.  What 22 year old man wants to read with a little girl when he could be jumping the bones of her Mother?  I did.  Most importantly, I remember how I felt the last time She and I were together and I knew it was the last time.  I was heartsick and I knew how much I would regret it.  I loved her then and I never stopped. 

I told my ex that I had reacquainted myself with an old flame and she asked if it was Rebecca.  I was stunned.  How did you know?  She laughed and told me that she was surprised it took so long.  She told me that I talked about Rebecca all the time and she always knew she was fighting a ghost.  Sigh.  Sorry, Ex.

My long lost love is a wealthy, beautiful woman living in Georgia.  I am a fat working class slob in Illinois.  She wants to see me, and God knows, I want to see her.  I am absolutely terrified.  What is gonna happen when she sees me?  I mean I’m not hideous or anything, but she is stunning and rich and can have anyone.  Does she really want me?  I guess we’ll see.  By the way, I went out and sweat my fat ass off walking hills in my town this morning.  I guess it’s like the old saying about A journey of 1000 miles to Georgia begins with a single trundle of your fat ass up that hill.  Move it, MeatBoy.

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